Have you ever looked at your kids and felt like a failure? Well I have. Just last week on vacation, I had this feeling about the third day into our vacation of what didn’t I do. I found myself in the same spot every morning of the kitchen cooking for everyone and then turning around washing the dishes that everybody else messed up. I paused and thought how I have failed them after observing their lackadaisical, disinterested attitude about what I was doing. It puzzled me so much so that I stood there wondering what in the world do we have here. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks this is what you have trained them to expect. You get up every morning and put yourself behind that hot stove on vacation because you choose to. After hearing that it didn’t make me feel any better. LOL! I’m thinking can you offer a hand without me asking for once in your life?? Now, I had no pushback when I asked them but I wanted them to do it on their own. They would jump right in and help after I petitioned them. Hear me, I have awesome kids and anyone would love to have them and I know that. When they were young they would go over others’ house and clean and their friends moms would tell me all about it. However, I love sharing my thoughts and feelings because I know it can help others. Most people in my position aren’t willing to share such things because of the fear of judgment. Well, if you know me you would know I really don’t care to give my brain space to others thoughts or judgments. I have enough to think about. I had to comprehend that my feelings had nothing to do with my children but it had everything to do with my expectations.
Are your relationships built on the expectations that you have communicated, or the assumptions that you think to yourself?
So Holy Spirit really started to speak to me. He said, “You cannot have expectations of someone, and you haven’t told them what you expect”. Wooooo! lol I am thinking, “Why are you jumping me? Get them!” Lol They are the ones sitting down, and I’m busy in the kitchen serving like Martha. Have you ever had expectations of someone, and they disappointed you? Now, have you told them what you expected? This blog is not about my kids so, don’t be thrown off and not hear what you need to hear for your life and relationships. This could be about you and a friend, you and your husband, or you and whomever. Examine your relationships right now and be honest. You have no right to be mad or upset at someone when you have not expressed what you need from them. Unfortunately God didn’t make everyone a mind reader so that means we must talk to build a list of expectations within relationships. Many relationships go awry due to assumptions that we have without the communication. Pastor Mike says all of the time, “Assumption is the lowest form of knowledge.” No relationship should be built on assumptions. It is vital that you establish your request beforehand so you can know what to expect in the end.
PS. I am great! I know I am not a failure! 😉